Comedy

By Conrado de Quiros

Manny Pacquiao is the face of determination. He’d like nothing better than to fight his next foe. That is, well, whoever he faces for a congressional seat in Sarangani.

His desire to jump to this new weight class, or ring, has been met with much anguish by his admirers, not least in government. They have only one advice for him: Don’t.

“It would be good,” says political adviser Gabriel Claudio, “if he can assess or formulate any plans to join next year’s elections based on what is best not only for the locality he is considering to serve but the entire nation as well.”

“One or two more big fights,” says House Speaker Prospero Nograles, “and running for politics would be ok. Break all the records first.”

“Being a congressman,” says Bayan Muna party-list Rep. Teodoro Casiño, “is a full time job. He should study even now. He has one year to do that. With his victory, he is now a serious contender as a local official.”

I have a different piece of advice for Pacquiao: By all means do. I disagree with Casiño when he says that with his victory, Pacquiao has become a serious contender for any local position. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that with his victory Pacquiao has become a shoo-in for president.

The fact that he lost before when he ran as congressman doesn’t matter a hoot. It was his mistake to begin with—the same mistake Rudy Fernandez made when he ran for mayor of Quezon City—running for a local position. Had he run for senator, he probably would have won. Local elections are still a matter of logistics, national ones are a matter of popularity. I say probably because Paquiao then wasn’t quite the legend, or Siegfried, or epic hero, he is now.

Wouldn’t it be the richest irony if the same government that has been exploiting his clout with the masa (masses) to contend with their wrath should now have to contend with his ambitions? It’s enough to make everyone believe in God.

The foreign publications that said Pacquiao could become his country’s president one day are wrong only in the “one day.” He could become his country’s president instantly if he wanted to. No one can stop him. Not Noli. Not Erap (former president Joseph Estrada). Not even President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, who shows no sign of being resigned to leave anyway. He has become bigger than all of them put together. If Pacquiao decides to become the next president, he will become the next president.

He can become simultaneously president and boxing champion, using as moniker, “The Fighting President.” Or, since he also uses karaoke, “The Fighting/Singing President.”

The only thing, in fact, that can stop him is his suddenly realizing the stupidity of wanting to run. Stupidity because it is a demotion rather than a promotion. He’s already champion of the world, much admired by the world, reveling in hundreds of millions of hard-earned dollars without grappling with the hundreds of millions of headaches stashing ill-gotten loot is heir to. Why on earth would he want to demote himself to ruler of Lilliput, breathing the same air as the pygmies there, waging war on the all-important issue of whether to break an egg on the long side or the short side?

But I have another reason for wanting Pacquiao to run for president other than to make it the hardest thing in the world for Ms Arroyo to stay. That is to show up elections, or indeed politics, in this country. All the advice about Pacquiao needing to prepare, study, appreciate the job of a politician as being full time, weigh the worth of public service versus public spectacle, and have the community’s or the nation’s interest at heart presumes all the others do. It presumes the people giving the advice do. It presumes Claudio and Nograles do. It presumes the congressmen do. (I presume Casiño does.) When in fact all they do is prepare for reelection by flying to Pacquiao’s side each time he fights, study the odds in the various gaming tables in Las Vegas, spend their waking hours plotting ways to separate fools, also called taxpayers, from their money, weigh the differential benefits of token work versus pure PR, and have Arroyo’s—and their own—interests at heart.

It presumes that elections, and politics, in this country are serious business when they are in fact a comedy. It presumes that the bulk at least, if not all, of the candidates for public office, especially the presidency, are serious people, when in fact they are either comedians who have taken themselves seriously with laughable results or undertakers who have become comedians with tear-jerking results.

The advice that prospective candidates should first study and prepare is a familiar one. It’s the advice the trapos (traditional politicians) have been giving the entertainers all this time, particularly when they were threatening to overrun public office. The usual practice was to point to Erap who did exactly that, becoming mayor of San Juan first, then senator, then vice president, before becoming president. Well, all that study and preparation merely taught him how to steal, or how to steal more. Better if he had jumped from movie star to president, maybe his appetites might not have been honed that sharply.

The advice presumes that trapos are better than entertainers, when they are in fact worse. Far far worse. Entertainers turned politicians can only produce bad entertainment; trapos turned mad can only want to stay for good. Pacquiao turned president can only stop being a legend and become “laos” (obsolete); Arroyo turned ruler for life can only stop being a pest and turn into swine flu.

Of course, we can always have a choice beyond an entertainer and a trapo. We can always demand to have a choice beyond an entertainer and a trapo. We can always summon forth, by sheer need and by sheer will, another Cory or Obama.

But right now, that is about as near to being possible as Pacquiao is to becoming Muhammad Ali.